Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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