Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
