Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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