There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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