the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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