Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
