How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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