Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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