my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
