Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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