that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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