He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
