You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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