a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
