I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
