census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
