He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
