i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
