i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize