she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
