He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have started to decorate penises.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
