I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
