I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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