Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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