we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
