If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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