Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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