She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
