i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were trust falling into bushes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
