i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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