Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
