So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this will be a night to untag.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
