That's intense
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
