My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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