Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize