M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize