so let's talk penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My vagina is officially offended.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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