i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
