is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
