There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
