Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize