You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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