I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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