it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
