The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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