Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
