You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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