I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
