onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
