haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize