you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if only i could text you this smell
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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