You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this boner is exhausting
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
