no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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