i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
meet me or not, i'm out of control
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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