Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
