I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
