i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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