then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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