Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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