Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
