I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
