hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
