so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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